My sleazy husband lied about paying for a lap dance
I’m 55, with a good life, four children and two beautiful grandchildren but since December, I have been so disillusioned by my husband’s secrets and lies.
We have been having relationship problems.
Since 2010, I have lost several family members and been somewhat down because I went through the menopause and lost my mojo. But I thought we were doing OK until I found out that my husband is lying.
He went for a long weekend away with three friends and they visited lap dancing clubs.
When I picked them all up at the airport, they looked guilty and Nike Air Max LD-Zero 848624-001 Men Black Grey Australia Sale I knew that something was up.
This week, BEL MOONEY advises a wife whose husband lied about paying for a lap dance and another woman who wonders if she should keep a partner that belittles her
When I asked him about it later, he lied first about visiting a lap dancing club, then about having a lap dance, about how much he spent on lap dances (he took 1,200 cash from the bank), about physical contact during the lap dance, about the whole weekend!
One of the friends told his wife all the details and that the Nike Air Max LD-Zero 848624-001 Men Black Grey Australia Sale had made a pact to keep it secret from their wives!
He expects me to just like it or get over it.
Is it any wonder we’re having relationship problems, due to my husband lying about it when discovered?
He expects me to just forgive and forget, but I am so hurt by his behaviour I feel closed off from him and unable to do this.
Twenty years ago, when the children were young (three of them under five), I discovered that he had been paying for pornography.
When confronted, he denied it, until I showed him the credit card statement.
I don’t feel we really recovered, but stayed together anyway for the children.
There have been several other times when he’s stayed out all night with no explanation, sent porn emails around his office and inappropriate texts to women at work, got into fights, and been charged with assault more than once.
He blames it all on drinking too much and not feeling like he has grown up.
Sometimes, detailing a dilemma is like putting it under an unforgiving microscope seeing all the ugly bits horribly magnified.
Show me a case history of four middle aged blokes going away for a boozy, sleazy, guys only trip and spending money on lap dancers, and I admit I’ll probably roll my eyes and dismiss this ‘crime’ as not worth fretting about. Which is to say it’s certainly worth being annoyed about, but I’d question it as justification for ending a marriage.
People (both sexes) do tell lies when they are ashamed; there is nothing new under the sun. I wonder if you’d have found out the detail of the trip had the one friend not cracked and given the grubby wee game away?
None of that is meant to dismiss your hurt and anger feelings all too real. Who wouldn’t sympathise with them? But what’s really important is the fact that this latest insult to your feelings as a wife must be seen in the context of what happened 20 years ago and later. And it’s very interesting that you cram a catalogue of bad behaviour into the last paragraph, almost as an afterthought.
There I was, thinking: ‘OK, stupid lap dancing . . .’ but then I went, ‘Whoa!’ There’s much more going on here.
A father of young children paying for porn, staying out all night (and presumably worrying you sick), sending embarrassing smut, emailing women, fighting, getting into trouble with the police . . . What?